Let Me Take Care of You
by DayleLight
Summary: Levi visits Erwin in the hospital after the commander loses his arm to a titan. Levi takes it upon himself to do what he can for Erwin as he recovers and adjusts to the change, but he notices that the injury seems to have shaken Erwin's confidence and introduced some tension to their relationship.


Levi hopped out of the carriage as soon as it came to a stop, ignoring the pain that shot through his ankle at the impact. He forced himself to walk, not run, up the steps to the building's front door, but he was still rushing, using the railing to pull himself up the stairs faster, hobbling through the hospital's plain white hallways. He did not care at all right now that he was turning heads.

People recognized him. People saw the limp. Levi kept walking.

Another set of stairs was in his way, and he bore the ascent with gritted teeth. Then he merely had to turn to his left and walk three doors down, and he was exactly where he needed to be.

There was one more twinge of pain in his ankle and then he couldn't feel it.

Erwin lay on the hospital bed unmoving, in a plain white room that filled Levi with dread. Levi hated the emptiness of rooms like this. It looked like the kind of place where people were brought to die. The sterility of the room might have brought him some peace of mind, if Erwin looked a little cleaner, but he actually looked quite dirty.

Levi shut the door and quickly moved to sit on the bed, leaning over Erwin until he was hugging him. Levi hooked his chin over Erwin's shoulder and leaned into his neck, right where his head usually ended up when they hugged, when Erwin was thoughtful enough to lean down. He closed his eyes and allowed himself a moment to breathe. Erwin was here, warm and alive. Against his cheek, Levi could feel the pulse in Erwin's throat.

A sound escaped Levi that he could not identify as a sob or laughter. It shook his shoulders, and Levi pushed himself up so he wouldn't disturb Erwin. Erwin was sleeping. Levi's shoulders continued to shake when his voice finally escaped his throat. He was laughing, his vision blurring now. Of course Erwin was sleeping.

When Levi had first walked in, Erwin had looked like he was dead.

Erwin shifted, and Levi figured he must have woken him. Erwin stared at the ceiling, his eyes unfocused. He had to roll his head entirely to the side before his gaze finally settled on Levi's face, like he had forgotten how to look anywhere but straight ahead. His usually sharp blue eyes were bright and glassy, but he was clearly awake.

"Hi, Levi." Every syllable dragged, and he sounded out of breath. Levi reached forward and smoothed some hair back from Erwin's forehead. His skin was damp with sweat, but he was cool to the touch. Clammy.

"You sound pretty out of it," Levi said honestly. "They must have given you the good shit."

"Uh?" Erwin blinked once, hard, like it was physically strenuous. Levi could feel his lips pull back into an involuntary smile, and he was glad there was no one here who would be capable of remembering how out of character he was being today.

Erwin's eyebrows suddenly knitted together, and Levi worried he was maybe starting to feel the pain, or had remembered something upsetting. The stump that remained of Erwin's right arm twitched up, like he was trying to use it. When nothing happened, Erwin froze, continuing to stare with what Levi was starting to think looked like concern.

Concern for what? Erwin did remember what had happened to him, right? Levi glanced at Erwin's right shoulder, which he'd avoided looking at until now. Just like they'd told him, the arm was gone. The bandaging was thick, and no blood showed through. It looked clean and innocuous, but the sight made his breath catch in his throat.

Erwin shifted, and Levi instantly tore his gaze from the bandage. He didn't say anything about it. They weren't ready for that conversation yet. Erwin freed his left hand from under the blanket and reached up to Levi's face. He was reaching for the opposite cheek, and the angle was awkward - it would have been more convenient to use his right hand - so Levi turned his head slightly to make it easier. Erwin brushed away a stray tear Levi hadn't known he'd had.

Instantly, Levi reigned himself in and settled back into his usual bored expression. Erwin was so out of it he probably couldn't even give his full name. He wasn't supposed to be comforting anyone.

"Look at you," Levi muttered, taking in some bruises along his face and neck, noticing how Erwin smelled. "You're still dirty." He ran his fingers through Erwin's hair again, and it was greasy. "They have _not_ been taking good enough care of you. I'm gonna have a word with these people."

Erwin grinned stupidly, and it was impossible to know if he understood everything he'd just heard.

"I'll be right back," Levi said, giving Erwin's shoulder a reassuring pat before exiting the room.

Just like before, people recognized him. This time, he used it to his advantage. He went to the reception desk, ignoring the other people waiting around, and gave the woman there a piece of his mind about what he saw as a lack of proper care. When she started giving some flimsy excuse about the number of people working there, and how there were suddenly so many wounded people coming in, and priorities, he cut her off. "I don't care. Tell me where I can get a basin and some washcloths, and I'll do it myself."

"I can't let you -"

"You just gave me this bullshit," Levi started, with his usual low monotone, "about how you don't have enough people to do your jobs. Now you won't let other people do your jobs. Are we supposed to just sit here and accept this?"

"I assure you we're giving everyone the best care we can."

"It's still not good enough."

"There are just a lot of other soldiers waiting to be seen."

 _Erwin's important!_ He wanted to say. _He matters. He matters the most._ But he didn't say that. He almost felt bad for thinking it. Or at least, he felt that he should feel bad for thinking it. She was already looking over his shoulder at the person waiting behind him, like he'd been dismissed.

"I'm going to ask one more time, and this time you're going to answer. Where can I get the things I asked for so I can take care of him myself?"

"You're Captain Levi."

Levi looked over his shoulder and saw it was one of the nurses who had spoken to him. "It really is you. I can help you get anything you need." The nurse had a starstruck expression.

A short while later, Levi was on his way back to the stairs to Erwin's floor, carrying a basin, when he ran into Hanji. "Hey, Levi. Did you see Erwin?"

"Yeah." He began taking the steps. "You?"

Hanji took the washbasin from Levi's arms so he could lean on the rail easier, then continued up after him. He didn't comment, but he allowed the help. His ankle was still sore. "No," Hanji said.

"He's pretty fucked up on the drugs right now anyway."

Hanji smiled. "I guess I'm not missing much then." When they got to the top of the stairs, Hanji handed the basin back. "What are you carrying this for?"

"He stank. I'm giving him a bath."

"Sweet of you. I would've thought you'd make one of the nurses do it."

"I tried that. Apparently they're too busy."

Hanji grimaced at the irritation in Levi's voice. "I hope you didn't terrorize them too much over it."

He didn't dignify that with a response, though it conjured up the image of a disappointed young nurse in scrubs wearing the expression of a disillusioned fan as Levi picked over cleaning supplies. Terrorize? Not exactly. "You sticking around?"

"Yeah, for now. There's going to be a lot of work to do in the next couple days. I need to talk to Erwin, as soon as he's lucid, anyway."

"Kay. I'll see you a bit later."

Erwin was dozing again as Levi reentered the room, but he eventually opened his eyes and turned his head to watch as Levi began to set everything up. Levi pulled over the stool, with the basin of water on it, and sat down on the edge of the bed. He told Erwin, "I'm gonna help you clean up."

"...I can't stand up."

"You don't have to. Just let me take care of it." Levi pulled the bedsheet aside and lifted the hem of the light cotton shirt Erwin was wearing. Erwin sat up a bit, leaning heavily on his left arm, but it was clearly difficult for him. Levi wrapped one arm around Erwin's back to hold him up while he pulled the shirt up over Erwin's head and right shoulder. Levi was lucky he was as strong as he was, because Erwin collapsed his weight on him almost immediately, and he was heavy.

Gently, he lowered Erwin back onto the mattress, then pulled the shirt off Erwin's left arm and tossed it to the end of the bed. Now he could see just what kind of shape Erwin was in. Deep bruises, already turning black and bright purple, wrapped around his ribs, and there was another on his hip, much worse than those Levi had seen on his face. His skin was littered with scrapes along his arm and collar, and the straps of his 3DMG had dug in deeper than usual.

Levi felt a powerful surge of protectiveness. Erwin was lying in front of him half-naked, heavily drugged, and maybe in the worst physical state of his life. He had never seemed so vulnerable, not even in his sleep. To see him like this reminded Levi of how close he'd come to losing Erwin forever.

With the protectiveness came guilt. He should have been there. If Levi had been with him, this never would have happened. Levi was scowling as he began tucking towels around Erwin's torso to keep the bed dry.

"Is everything… okay?" Levi met Erwin's gaze, startled by the question. Erwin's eyes were looking a bit more focused.

"Of course. Why?" He made his way back to the stool, and dunked the first washcloth in the lukewarm water.

"You seem upset." Erwin stared at the cloth, dripping water. "You don't have to do this…." Levi brought the cloth to Erwin's chest, watching as the water running down his side left streaks in the brownish layer that clung to Erwin's skin, of dirt and grit and sweat. "I know… you hate dirt." Erwin sucked in a deep breath, and seemed uncomfortable doing it. "I know I smell bad."

Now Levi understood. "You think I don't want to do this?" He dipped the cloth in the water again, and wrung it out over Erwin's chest, then used a different one to start wiping the dirt away, being as gentle as possible over Erwin's bruises. "You don't know how much it kills me, that this is all I can do."

Erwin reached for Levi's hand, and Levi let him take it. Impulsively, he left Erwin's chest for now and moved up the bed, beginning to dab at Erwin's face instead, scrubbing away any remaining dirt and sweat from his forehead. "This is the only thing I want to do right now." Erwin closed his eyes obediently when Levi hovered the washcloth over them, and Levi wiped over them too, dabbing at the inner corners around his nose which had been missed in the rushed clean up Erwin had been given before.

Erwin's eyebrows looked bushier than usual after Levi had scrubbed over them, and it looked quite silly, so Levi began to smooth them out with his hand.

Erwin grinned at that, and Levi leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Let me take care of you."

When he was done with his face, Levi moved down Erwin's neck, back to his chest. As Levi cleaned him up, he peppered the battered body beneath him with kisses, slow lingering ones. He let his fingers trail over Erwin's skin, gently brushing over the new scratches, stroking down the length of his scars. He eventually got Erwin to lay on his side so he could wipe at his back, kissing his neck and rubbing at his shoulders as he did so.

Eventually Levi moved down to his legs, starting with his feet and moving up his calves, and then his thighs. Levi looked up from where he was drying off one of Erwin's legs to meet the man's eyes. The weariness and confusion had drained away, and Erwin looked far more sober now. He ran his fingers through Levi's hair as he watched him. "Are you done now?"

Levi looked back down at Erwin's hips. "You're still wearing your underwear," he noted. Actually it was probably a diaper, but he cared enough about Erwin's dignity not to call it that. "So it depends. Do you want me to be?"

"Anybody could walk through that door," Erwin noted.

And yet nobody had. Levi tried not to focus on how long it had been since someone had checked in on Erwin. "I didn't think you were shy about nudity." Still, he began to pile up the used cloths.

"I'm not, normally…."

Levi looked back at that to see Erwin readjusting the front of his underwear. "Really? That got you worked up?"

"You were the one… teasing," Erwin said, his joking tone falling a bit flat in a voice tight with obvious discomfort. It must have been the pain that was clearing his head. "All that kissing and touching…. Don't blame me."

"Teasing." Levi shook his head as he pulled the towels away from Erwin's sides. "I didn't mean for you to take any of that in a lewd way."

"Oh?"

"This is a hospital. We're basically in public." Levi was folding the towels, even though they were headed straight for the wash. "Did you really think I was going to fuck you here?"

"I don't know what I was thinking. I am still a little out of it." Erwin rubbed at one eye like he was trying to scrub away the exhaustion from his face. He had bags under his eyes for once.

"Bullshit. Don't use that excuse. You and I both know the drugs are starting to wear off. About that," he started, leaning over to catch Erwin's gaze, "should I ask one of the staff to give you more? You look like you're in pain."

Predictably, Erwin shook his head. "Maybe in a bit. I'm sure there are people waiting to see me first. Hange, for one." For all his bravado, Erwin was still slurring his words.

True, Hange had wanted to see him, but Levi no longer liked the sound of that. It was the protectiveness, probably. He still wanted to take care of Erwin, not open the door to let all his subordinates in to pester him like usual. He was in no state to be worrying about all that. "Nah, Hange's got it covered. I'll go get a nurse." He lifted the shirt Erwin had been wearing before. "You want this back on first?"

Erwin slid his arm through the one sleeve and then began struggling into it. Levi helped out a bit when the right sleeve got stuck, but tried not to seem too fussy about it now that Erwin was fairly awake. He didn't want to seem patronising. Erwin continued, "What about -?"

"We've got it. Everything's been taken care of." It was untrue, but it wouldn't be for long. Levi passed Erwin his pants. "You don't have to worry about anything. I promise."

He had much better luck this time about getting a nurse to Erwin's room, though the man didn't stay long once he'd given Erwin something to dull the pain and told him to rest. Levi stayed until Erwin was asleep, then went to go keep his promise.

It didn't take long to find Hange. "How is he now?" Hange asked.

"They knocked him back out. Don't wait up for him. We'll just have to take care of things ourselves."

"Oh. Alright then." Hange looked slightly nervous at the prospect.

"Relax. You don't need to run every little thing by him," Levi said, trying to be as supportive as possible. "I know you can do it just fine."

Hange's smile was tight, but honest. "I'm glad to hear it."

Maybe he was being selfish. But if he was going to do this, to keep Erwin from running the show for a while, he at least wasn't going to force Hange to make all the tough decisions. There was a lot to think about right now: the business with Pastor Nick, Eren, nosey reporters. "You're not in this alone. I'm here, too."

"Thanks. That means a lot."

He continued, before Hange could get too soft about it. "On that note, I've already come to a decision about Eren, assuming you agree. And I'm forming a new Special Operations Squad."

"I thought you were waiting on that until you were cleared for fighting again."

Actually he'd been waiting for Erwin's input. For advice. "My ankle's almost better." Seeing the protest in Hange's face, he added, "And that doesn't matter. Someone has to go with Eren. We've gotta keep him safe for now."

"You want to send him away, I assume."

"Yeah. And I've got an idea where."

* * *

Erwin was making his way down the front steps of the hospital to the carriage waiting for him. Levi was at his side, ready to help steady him if he should need it. He didn't. It had been just over a week since Erwin had been admitted, and he was finally on his way home. Levi was making the trip back with him, and would help him get settled, before meeting up with Hange and the brats.

Things were starting to slide back into a semblance of normalcy again. Normalcy as they thought of it, anyway. Erwin had spoken to Pixis earlier, and Hange had brought Connie to tell them about what he'd seen in Ragako. As Levi sat down in the carriage across from Erwin, he recalled the other man's creepy smile upon hearing Hange's latest theory. Levi tried to force his thoughts away from that, not wanting to put himself in a bad mood.

Still, he couldn't help but think about it. Were titans really -?

"Levi?"

Levi had been gazing out the window, watching the scenery roll by. "Hmm?"

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"Doing better." Erwin actually looked a bit uncomfortable. The painkillers he was taking now were nowhere near as strong as what he'd had before.

They were mostly silent through the ride. When the carriage finally came to a stop, Erwin was out first, not exactly taking it easy, and Levi rushed after him.

"Don't run."

"I'm not. It feels good to stretch my legs, though."

"Tch." When they were inside, Levi headed straight to the bathroom. "Should I run you a bath?" he called. Of course, he was going to do it anyway.

"Sure."

So that was what he did. He wasn't sure what else he could do to help Erwin "settle in." Erwin was capable of taking care of himself, and Levi got the impression that he didn't like being fussed over. He was always insisting that Levi "didn't have to." Which was stupid. Of course he didn't have to. He didn't organize Erwin's office or bring him tea or do any of the other things he did because he had to. He wanted to. But it seemed like Erwin didn't want him to.

Levi walked back to Erwin's room and knocked as a warning before opening the door. Erwin was half undressed already. The bruises on his torso were looking a little better.

"Water's heating up."

"Thank you."

"Anything I can do? Anything you need before I go?"

"No, why? Do you have to leave now?" He sounded disappointed.

"Of course not. I've got the rest of the day. I just…." Levi shrugged.

"Why don't you relax for a minute?" Erwin nodded at the bed. "Sit down while I wait for the water."

Erwin continued undressing with no concerns for modesty. Levi hopped onto the bed and watched the other man move around the room, taking in his whole body, with all the marks and scars and the planes of muscle, the yellowing bruises and light dusting of blond hair. It had been a while since he had seen Erwin naked like this, and his pulse picked up at the realisation.

Erwin turned around to face him, and Levi's eyes dropped reflexively to his bare hips, and the beginning signs of arousal. He didn't comment on it, unsure if Erwin really wanted anything like that right now. He certainly had enough else on his mind.

Erwin looked rather bashful when Levi glanced back at his face. He had turned around to grab a robe, Levi realized, which he was now sliding onto his arm with the help of gravity. He was already getting pretty good at getting things done one-handed. Their eyes met, and Erwin opened his mouth to speak.

Levi knew what was coming. It always happened, whenever Erwin was in the mood and Levi appeared not to be. Levi had long ago decided to stop telling him not to say it, since it seemed instinctive, but he didn't want to hear an apology today. So he spoke first.

"Water's probably heated. You should go check."

"Okay." Erwin held the robe closed and made his way out of the room, heading down the hallway. Levi waited a while on Erwin's bed, unsure what he should be doing right now. Eventually making a decision, he followed the other man to the bathroom.

"Hey," he called through the door. "Can I come in?"

"Uh, sure. Why?"

Levi stepped in and closed the door behind him. He wanted to step forward, reach for Erwin and touch him. Instead, he leaned back on the door. "Was wondering if maybe you wanted me to wash your back."

"I don't need help." If Levi didn't know better, he would have thought Erwin sounded a bit defensive. "I can do it."

"I know you can." From here, he was looking at the back of Erwin's head. Levi pushed away from the door, making his way around the room slowly. He wanted to see his face. "But I was wondering," he continued slowly, "if, maybe, you wanted me… to help anyway." He stopped beside the tub. "Wanted me to do anything."

Erwin turned his head when he saw Levi was next to him. "Like I said, I'm fine." He looked annoyed.

"Do you not want me here?" Levi didn't know how to feel about that.

Erwin's face softened. "I didn't say that."

"You said I was teasing you, in the hospital. I never did fix that."

"You don't need to worry about that."

"I do though. And, before, it looked like maybe you were, well, I thought you might be, before I leave, I don't know if you are, but, interested in something. Sex," he clarified, because Erwin looked very confused, and Levi thought he may not know what he'd meant by "something." Then he realised Erwin had probably looked confused because that was a very convoluted sentence he'd just uttered, if it could even be called a sentence.

Erwin still seemed at a loss for words, and they were both silent for a moment.

Levi was starting to get embarrassed, so he said, "We'll deal with it later."

"Come here."

"Huh?"

"Just come over here."

Levi knelt next to the tub, and Erwin reached across to place his hand on Levi's jaw and pull him in for a kiss. Levi had missed this, but he hadn't realised just how much until now.

Erwin pulled back a bit, then pressed in again, and again, each touch of his lips nearly feather light. Levi wanted Erwin to set the pace, to do whatever made him comfortable, and he tried to hold back and let the other man take the lead, but it didn't last.

Erwin had accused Levi of being a tease? These kisses were so gentle they were barely there, and that was not what Levi craved right now. Levi wanted to feel him, really feel him. Unthinking, he grabbed Erwin's head with both hands and pressed him close, tracing Erwin's bottom lip with his tongue until Erwin's lips parted under his in response. Levi sighed into Erwin's open mouth. This. This was what he wanted.

He pulled Erwin yet closer, wanting nothing more in that moment than to have Erwin's lips pressed as tightly to his own as possible, slid his tongue into Erwin's mouth -

The slosh of water brought him back to the present. He opened his eyes and froze, staring back at those familiar bright blue irises, before getting a hold of himself and pulling away.

"Are you sure you're in here because you thought _I_ wanted something?" Erwin was practically smirking.

"Hng." It was the closest Levi generally came to a laugh. "I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't up for it too, you know."

"Here in the bath?" Erwin asked.

Levi scoffed when he realised what Erwin meant. "No. That's not as fun as it sounds."

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

"Maybe." He stood, his knees protesting his position on the tiled floor. "That can wait until after." Levi grabbed a loofah and stepped behind Erwin. "Sure you don't want me to do your back?"

"Oh, go for it." Levi saw it in Erwin's shoulders when he relaxed. It was surprising how quickly the mood had shifted, but he was glad it was comfortable again.

He soaped up the loofah and started at Erwin's shoulders, being careful not to drip water onto the bandage. Then he slowly worked his way down Erwin's back, going lower, lower, until he felt the curve of his buttocks. Then he slid around to the front, moving up his abdomen, and back down.

Erwin had leaned his head back, until it rested lightly on Levi's shoulder. "I don't know what you mean. This seems rather fun."

"We're not doing anything." Levi didn't consider this to be sexual, really, though he conceded that it was intimate. Erwin clearly felt differently, like in the hospital before. Maybe Levi was a tease, without meaning to be.

"One day, I should do this for you." Erwin's tone made it clear that, yes, he definitely felt differently about this.

"If you want." Levi sat up, so Erwin's head was off his shoulder, then splashed some water over Erwin's back to rid him of any soap residue. "There, you're good." He tossed the loofah back into the tub where Erwin could grab it. "You wanna finish up? I'm gonna go change."

"Sure."

Levi headed back to Erwin's room and shrugged off his jacket, laying it across a chair, then reached for the buttons of his shirt before hesitating. Should he get undressed before Erwin came in? He supposed he could strip naked and wait on the bed. That would certainly get a response. But as amusing as it was to imagine Erwin's face if he was greeted with such a sight, that wasn't the mood Levi was going for.

Instead, he set about straightening up, because that always helped clear his mind. Erwin had a pile of folded clothes on top of his dresser, washed but never put away, as usual. Levi took care of that, hanging up the shirts, tucking the socks away in a drawer. He was straightening the bed sheets when Erwin spoke from behind him.

"I never understood why you make the bed immediately before we mess it up."

Levi glanced over his shoulder as he finished tucking the last corner in. "I always thought it was more fun to make a mess when things start off tidy."

Erwin chuckled at that. "I thought you were going to get changed."

"Decided against it." Levi sat on the bed once more and looked Erwin over. He was wearing his bathrobe again, his hair tousled from towelling and slightly damp. The beard was still there. It was strange: Levi hated beards, and he had initially been attracted to Erwin's clean-cut, meticulously-groomed look. So why, when he looked at him like this, did he think he was cute?

Erwin approached the bed, bringing up his hand and hovering it over Levi's shoulder like he wanted to touch him, but couldn't. Levi reached for the robe's tie, pulling it open and sliding his hands inside, running them slowly up Erwin's front. Still, Erwin didn't touch him back.

"What?" Levi asked, leaning forward to kiss Erwin's stomach, right above his navel, and letting his breath trail over Erwin's skin. "Come here."

With both hands on Erwin's waist, Levi gave a gentle tug and Erwin did as he wanted, bringing up one leg to climb onto the bed next to him. Levi turned and slid one leg across Erwin's thighs, so he could straddle him. He ran his hands up Erwin's chest again, then up his neck. All day, Levi had felt an urge to simply touch Erwin all over, to trail his fingers across his skin and press his palms into him. Levi brought his hands to Erwin's face, to cup either side of his jaw, sinking the tips of his fingers into Erwin's hair, and pulled him into another kiss.

It started hard, like when he'd kissed him in the tub, but now when he moved to deepen it, there was no interruption. Levi's fingers had slid to the back of Erwin's head, tangled in his hair. He was pressing his front against Erwin's chest, his breaths were deep, his heart was racing, and it felt good to push against Erwin like this because he was already more turned on than he felt he should be at this point. The kiss was sloppy, and for the moment he was perfectly alright with that.

Levi felt Erwin's arm wrap around his waist, his hand settling against the small of Levi's back. Levi settled himself more fully on Erwin's lap and pushed back against that hand for leverage to grind their hips together harder. Sitting down on Erwin's lap, he wasn't high enough to kiss him, so he began mouthing at his neck. Pressing flush against him, grinding on top of him like this, Levi had expected to feel him getting hard again, to have some sign that he was excited by this, but there was nothing.

Levi also realised that Erwin had been rather quiet since this had started. A small spark of fear lit in his chest. Was something wrong? Was it something Levi had done, or said? "Erwin?" He moved to the front of Erwin's throat, dragging his lips down his adam's apple. "Erwin. Talk to me."

"Mmm?"

"Touch me," Levi urged. Erwin's hand curled around the fabric of Levi's shirt, still on his lower back.

Levi placed his hands on Erwin's shoulders and pushed, being very careful with Erwin's right, just in case, until Erwin's back touched the mattress. Levi scooted up the bed after him, and leaned to the side so his hips weren't on top of Erwin's anymore. It felt a little more comfortable, more casual.

Erwin was still wearing the bathrobe, although it was open, draped along his sides. He watched with an unreadable expression as Levi pushed the robe entirely out of the way and ran one hand across Erwin's front, feeling his warm skin and coarse hair.

Levi kept his eyes up, locked onto Erwin's face, trying to understand that impenetrable expression, looking for something, anything, in his eyes. Was there hesitation, desire, nervousness? They couldn't easily hide those things from each other, not anymore. Erwin had always been better at it, though.

Levi finally brought his hand to the centre of Erwin's thighs, grasping him gently. A huff of air escaped Erwin's lips. He was still soft, but he seemed eager enough, his hand settling comfortably over Levi's ass. So Levi tightened his fingers a little and pulled his hand up, pausing at the tip for a few teasing seconds, then brought it back down, very slowly. Levi had decided that tonight was not going to be quick.

Erwin's eyelids fluttered closed and Levi saw his throat bob as he swallowed. "Mmm, you like that?" Levi whispered, nuzzling into Erwin's neck. When he didn't get a response right away, he pressed, "Eh? Is that good?"

"Y-yeah," Erwin breathed. His hand tightened around Levi's ass, like he had just remembered it was there.

Finally, he had said something. Levi picked up the pace a little. "Do you need more? Hmm? If you want something, just say so." Erwin's eyes opened to lock with Levi's. He was panting. "How do you want it tonight?"

"I - uh," he stuttered. Levi wasn't sure if he was having trouble speaking, or thinking. Levi could already feel Erwin's growing arousal in his hand, so he let up a moment. Still, Erwin was quiet, his deep breaths the only sound now.

"Damnit Erwin, don't leave it all up to me. I'm not a mind reader." He pulled his hand away and sat up a little, already regretting what he'd said. Levi hadn't wanted to do anything to sour the already delicate mood, but Erwin was getting on his nerves. "Why aren't you talking to me? If something's wrong, you can tell me."

Erwin sighed: the kind of deep, soulful sigh that made Levi nervous. People didn't sigh like that when they were tired, or bored. It was the kind that preceded difficult words. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for now?"

"For being like this." Erwin shifted to free his left arm and pulled the bathrobe closed. Levi's own arousal had started to feel a little too confined in his pants, and now it didn't look like there would be relief for that anytime soon. Everything felt very awkward.

"Like what? I don't understand what the fuck is going on." Despite the harshness of his words, Levi thought he sounded like a whiny kid. "Is it something that I -?"

"No. It's not you. Don't think that. This is just me."

Levi stilled, not moving, or blinking, or breathing. His eyes were probably hard steel, boring into Erwin's increasingly uncomfortable expression, and Levi should probably do something about that, but he didn't trust himself to speak. He felt like an idiot, because he should have realised they would need to talk about it. Erwin, the constant self-flagellator, wasn't really going to just bounce back in a few days, no matter what he said.

He'd joked about it in the hospital, like he had already accepted it. _Don't you have some pity for me?_ There'd been humour in his voice. Like the idea of playing the "pity card" was funny, because in reality he was totally fine with it. Levi had stupidly fallen for it, because he'd wanted it to be true.

But he couldn't let himself fall for Erwin's tricks. Erwin was a master manipulator. He could fool anyone with his clever words and careful attitude, especially himself.

"Is it this?" Levi said, reaching for Erwin's right bicep and actually touching it. Erwin looked surprised by the action. Levi, too, felt weird doing it, and that was why it was important he make himself do it. Because if he loved Erwin, then no part of Erwin should make him this uncomfortable. No part of him should be off limits.

"I don't... understand."

"Is this the reason you're acting different around me?" He wanted to see it, suddenly. He took hold of the robe and lifted it, as though to pull it off, and looked in Erwin's eyes. Before he could ask, Erwin nodded. He slid the sleeve off.

Levi ran one hand lovingly down what was left of Erwin's arm, still covered in bandages. On impulse, he leaned down and kissed it. "It upsets you," Levi said. It was a statement, meant more to convince Erwin than anything.

"I deserve it."

Although he disagreed, Levi had learned long ago that arguing with Erwin directly when he was like this was a failing tactic. So rather than tell him that wasn't true, Levi asked, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Huh?"

"I said it upsets you. It does. I can tell."

"It shouldn't. People under my command have suffered worse."

"You could chop all your limbs off, Erwin, and it wouldn't bring anybody back."

"I know that."

"I know you know that. So why were trying you trying to act like it doesn't hurt? It obviously matters. You seem to think it doesn't matter how you feel, that this isn't a conversation we should have." Levi kissed the arm again, then Erwin's shoulder, then his mouth. "I know you're wrong, but I can't show you why you're wrong until I know what twisted logic you're using to convince yourself of all this. So talk to me, so I can show you how wrong you are, so things can be better between us again.

"I don't like this," Levi admitted. "I don't want this to be us, all this tension. I want us to be comfortable with each other again, I want us to talk to each other, and if I'm being completely honest, I would _really_ like to be able to fuck you at some point today, because it has literally been months, and I'm leaving tonight, and I'm not going to see you again for a while."

Erwin started laughing.

"What the hell?" Levi felt himself frowning.

"I'm sorry." Erwin pulled Levi in for a hug. "Really, Levi. That was straight from the heart, wasn't it?"

Levi was starting to feel embarrassed, but he didn't entirely know why. He just had a nagging feeling suddenly that he was being ridiculous. "Of course it was. I'm not like _some people_ , who use fancy rhetoric and don't say what they really mean."

"Do I use rhetoric on you?"

"Sometimes. I hate it."

"Alright." Erwin let him go so they could see one another. "I don't know what to say. I don't know how to put this into words. I've just been shaken lately."

Levi waited to see if there was more before talking, trying to approach the topic carefully. "Just now… I was getting mixed messages."

"Oh?"

"I thought you wanted this," Levi said, waving his arm to take in both of them, and the bed, to mean _this, us together, being intimate_.

"I do want it."

"So why…?"

"I feel strange, when you take care of me, like you have been."

"You feel like I'm belittling you?"

"No." Levi didn't know if he could believe that response. Erwin continued, "I don't know how to feel when someone else is doing things for me, when someone else takes charge. I appreciate it, but, I don't know."

Levi nodded. "If I make you feel like I'm making all the decisions, you know you're always free to change that, right? I think you're a control freak in some ways, but I've never begrudged you that." Erwin smiled, and Levi was glad to see the well-meaning jab hadn't stung. "I asked how you wanted it tonight, and I meant that."

"I don't know how I want it. I have no idea what to do, and yet I don't feel comfortable not doing anything." Suddenly, Erwin broke eye contact. "I'm just self conscious, I guess. I keep trying to touch you with my hand, and remembering that it's not there. I get the urge to do something and then I realise it doesn't work anymore. I wanted to pick you up and flip us over, tear your clothes off, and pin you down while I fuck you, and I want it to feel easy. And I don't think I can do that anymore."

At least Levi felt like he'd gotten a complete and honest answer, but he hated what he was hearing. "That isn't true. I bet you can. You wanna try?"

"Levi…" Erwin's face was flushed, and Levi knew that he did want to. So maybe Levi would have to abandon his plans for slow, deliberate lovemaking for something a bit wilder, but he wasn't complaining. But he needed to get past that self-consciousness first.

"I am entirely too clothed for sex," Levi declared. He was, in fact, still completely dressed. He leaned back onto his elbows and tried to look seductive. "Maybe you should do something about that."

"Your shirt… has a lot of buttons."

"Consider it practise."

"It'll take me a while."

"Then you'd better get started." Levi settled back to get more comfortable and closed his eyes.

He felt it when Erwin took the first button and twisted it to slide it from its button hole, but didn't open his eyes yet. One by one, the buttons came undone until Erwin had to pull Levi's shirt out from where it was tucked into his pants in order to reach the last one. Levi opened his eyes when he felt Erwin tugging at his belt.

Levi sat up a little to shuck his shirt off his shoulders and watched as Erwin deftly worked his fingers into the buckle. Erwin seemed to have difficulty getting the stiff leather to stay out of the way, so he held the end of the belt in his teeth as he flicked the buckle's metal prongs out of the holes.

Levi sucked in a breath. "That's actually pretty hot." Erwin seemed pleased at the reaction, eventually unzipping Levi's pants with his teeth unnecessarily.

Then he was pulling Levi's pant legs off. Finally, Levi decided to help, kicking the pants off so they fell on the floor. "Well, would you look at that? Seems you managed it just fine."

"Well…." Erwin wasn't wearing the robe anymore.

"No, no. Don't argue. Take the compliment." Levi shifted closer, peeling his underwear down his legs so they were equally nude. It felt good to finally free his erection from the tight confines of his clothes. "And you're not done yet."

"Oh? Looks like you just finished for me."

"So now that I'm naked, we're done? Come on, we really need to stop blue-balling each other." Erwin laughed loudly.

Trying to encourage a little more action, Levi grabbed Erwin's cock. It was soft again.

Erwin's laughter died away and he seemed embarrassed. "I do want this, Levi. I promise."

"I believe you." Levi crawled over to sit between Erwin's knees. "Lay back."

Erwin did, and Levi took a second to admire him. He didn't want to make Erwin wait, so he didn't allow himself long. Levi grabbed him again, holding his manhood upright so he could kiss his way up the length and then take it into his mouth.

Erwin gave a choked cry, like he had cut himself off. "Don't hold it in," Levi said, before getting back to work. Erwin's breathing was steady, but it was growing fairly deep, and his hand drifted to Levi's shoulder, then the back of his neck. He didn't push or urge for more, but Levi took the hint, working a little more of him into his mouth. He didn't have to hold it up anymore, so he used his hands over the rest of Erwin's cock that he couldn't take in his mouth, and lower, on his balls.

"Levi," Erwin gasped, his fingers tightening around the back of Levi's neck. Erwin's body began to rock to the rhythm Levi had set, arching towards the pleasure. Then Levi swiped his tongue over a sensitive part of the head that he knew was one of Erwin's weak spots, and that nearly did it. Erwin's hips jerked up, pushing him far deeper into Levi's mouth. Levi gave him a hard look as he struggled not to cough. "Sorry."

It had clearly not been on purpose, so Levi forgave him. He actually found it kind of funny. "It doesn't take long, huh?" Levi asked, pulling away.

"You're stopping?"

"For now, yeah. I'd like this to last longer than three minutes."

"Come here," Erwin said, looking slightly annoyed at the teasing. He reached over and pulled Levi on top of him.

Levi landed awkwardly, trying not to knock into Erwin's still-bandaged arm. "Hey, watch it."

"I was watching."

"Very funny."

Erwin smiled fondly, stroking his hand up and down Levi's back, allowing it to linger on his ass each time. "I haven't done anything for you yet. So, Levi, how do you want it tonight?"

"I asked you that."

"Now I'm asking you."

The way Erwin's hand kneaded at Levi's backside, his fingers drifting along the crack, was very distracting. "Well I think I know what you want," Levi said, tilting his hips back into Erwin's hand to show he didn't mind it. "In that case…."

Levi leaned forward in order to reach the bedside drawer. He was familiar with the contents, and found what he was looking for easily.

Erwin's eyes settled on the bottle in Levi's hand. He looked excited, which Levi was happy to see. "Yeah, you're up for that?"

"Sure." Levi was more enthusiastic than he sounded, though. It wasn't often that Levi was in the mood for penetrative sex, at least not if he was on the receiving end. It involved more prep work than he was usually comfortable with, but occasionally it was worth it. He opened the bottle and poured a rather liberal amount of the contents onto his fingers.

"Watching you do that is the only thing that's ever made me wonder if there's such a thing as too much lube," Erwin said jokingly, as drops landed on his stomach.

"Well, there isn't." Levi slid one finger inside halfway, and paused.

Erwin was already sitting up partway, to kiss at Levi's chest, mostly his nipples. He reached between Levi's legs to stroke him. Levi worked a second finger in, with deep breaths, and paused again.

This was the only part of penetration Levi didn't really like, the initial strange feeling that came before his body adjusted, but this alone was generally enough for him to avoid it all together. Tonight was better than usual, though. All the built up sexual tension of the afternoon up to this point had seemingly primed his body to react with enthusiasm to each touch, and every dirty thought. Erwin had barely started touching him, and he was already halfway there.

"Stop, stop." Erwin stilled to watch as Levi took a couple steadying breaths and blew some wayward bangs out of his face. Levi felt a bit sweaty, his cheeks hot. He already felt like a mess.

"Alright then. Gotta make sure this lasts longer than three minutes, after all."

Levi couldn't even be mad. Feeling himself calm slightly from the lack of touch, he slid the fingers in and out a few times, trying to get used to the sensation. It had been so long.

"Everything good?" Erwin had lain back down, but his gaze burned into Levi, leaving the other man still hopelessly aroused. Unoccupied with touching Levi, Erwin began lazily stroking himself as his gaze slid down Levi's body, and tilted his head like he was trying to see around the hips in front of him to where Levi was fingering himself. "Maybe I could help."

Levi swallowed with difficulty, his mouth going dry. "I got it." His voice sounded weak to his own ears.

"Maybe you could turn around, give me a better view?"

"Maybe you could shut up?" Levi shot back, without any venom to the words. He was losing it, his control slipping everywhere. He slid a third finger inside, surprising himself at the pace. Suddenly it seemed so easy. "Don't pressure me." Yet for once, Levi didn't think he'd need any more time, or any more encouragement.

"Of course."

"Okay. Okay, I'm good," Levi gasped, slipping his fingers out and grabbing the bottle again, wresting the top off awkwardly with slippery fingers.

"Already?"

"Yeah." Levi poured a copious amount of the slick substance onto his palm, looking into Erwin's blue eyes and daring him to make another comment about how much he was using, then slicked up Erwin's cock in a few hurried strokes.

"There's no rush." Even as Erwin spoke, Levi was moving his knees up, and leaning back with one hand on Erwin's thigh, trying to line himself up, and Erwin placed his hand on Levi's hip to steady him. Levi had already tossed away all his restraint, and did not care if he seemed to be rushing. He just wanted to feel Erwin inside of him, like he so rarely did, and he wanted it now.

He grabbed Erwin's cock to position it how he needed and sank down onto it. There was a second of discomfort - he really was going too fast; he wasn't used to this and yet he was rushing, like Erwin had said. Levi moved right past that, letting himself fall back, taking Erwin into himself more deeply than he normally would, and far more quickly than he ever had.

Erwin's breath left him in a rush as he seemed to struggle with the abruptness. Levi, meanwhile, having given up already on maintaining any composure, let out a long, low moan that felt like it had leaked out of his very soul. He was coming apart at the seams. He grabbed onto Erwin as best he could with his still-slippery fingers and raised his hips slowly, then slid them back down, then again and again, a little quicker each time.

There was no discomfort now, no. Only a very intense feeling that seemed to be engulfing him, rising up his chest, speeding up his pulse and his gasps of breath. He was moaning again, the sounds rolling out of him unchecked, unselfconsciously, and they sounded nothing like him, somewhat high-pitched. Erwin began to move with him. "Oh, Erwin, wait, I can't - I - holy shit, that's, ah, ah!"

Erwin's laughter was a low rumble in his chest that Levi could feel, supporting himself as he was with his hands on Erwin's pecs, right above those bruises. "I love seeing you like this." His voice was incredibly sexy like that.

Levi tried angling his hips in different ways as he moved. He was at that stage where he already had enough stimulation - it felt good, and if things continued like this, he would definitely be able to come - but he was greedy for it and wanted more; he would always want more, would always feel that it could be even better.

As Erwin rolled his hips to meet Levi's downward thrusts, Levi found that perfect angle that made him actually pause to process the pleasure, before quickly aiming for more. "Like that, more of that."

He picked up his pace again, practically dropping his whole body on Erwin when he moved down. It felt good, so good. It was almost too much. If pleasure could be described as "sharp," that's what this was. Sharp stabs of pleasure, pleasure that sliced through his body, rendering him unable to speak, to twist away from it, to ask Erwin to do anything because this was getting too difficult. Levi's thighs quivered and his breaths shook, but he couldn't stop.

Erwin finally changed things up on his own, hugging Levi to him and turning them over so Levi was sprawled on the bed beneath him. Levi welcomed the change in position, but not the temporary halt in movement, grabbing Erwin with his legs and pushing his heels into Erwin's lower back with a whine.

Erwin splayed his arm over Levi's head for balance and then began to move. Every thrust brought another sharp, delicious stab of pleasure, and Levi closed his eyes, losing track of everything but the sound of Erwin's groans in his ear and Erwin's body inside him and on top of him. Erwin leaned into him heavily, mostly with his right shoulder, and Levi loved it. He loved the feeling of being pressed into the mattress by Erwin's weight, and how the width of the other man's body so easily forced his thighs apart so he was spread eagle.

Levi's body jerked out of his control and he finished with a loud cry, spilling across his own chest. His head dropped back to the bed like a stone, because he no longer felt he could hold it up. For about another minute, Erwin's movements continued until he finished as well, his body straining, and then relaxing, in Levi's arms. He fell forward, putting most of his weight on his arm, but still crushing Levi a bit.

Another minute passed.

"Hey, get up. You're smothering me with your hairy chest." Levi batted at Erwin's sides feebly.

"Am I?" Erwin rolled over, and that gave Levi the room to really breathe.

Levi's heart still pounded. He couldn't get enough air. He took a glance at Erwin and saw he was in a similar state, cheeks flushed red and heaving for air. Erwin's eyes were closed, but he had a smile on his face. He looked terribly goofy, but in a way that made Levi's heart swell with fondness.

"So," Erwin started, starting to catch his breath, "how was that?" Levi hoped that wasn't his self consciousness coming back, but he couldn't be sure.

"Not bad."

Erwin snorted with laughter. "Come on, now."

"Need me to boost your ego?" Levi turned so he was facing Erwin properly and gave him a smile. A real smile, that existed mostly in Levi's eyes. Erwin looked taken aback by it, and Levi couldn't blame him. "Alright then." He placed a hand on Erwin's chest, over his heart. "It was great. That's the truth. I loved it. I love you."

The look in Erwin's eyes showed that the message had gotten across, so Levi flopped back, face slipping back into neutral. No matter how hard he'd tried to temporarily ignore that Erwin had come inside him, he could no longer ignore how dirty they were. "And I feel really sweaty and gross right now."

"I see." Erwin sat up, like he was preparing to go somewhere. He looked as relaxed and casual as he usually did when it was just the two of them. Levi got the impression that things were back to how they should be. "Should I go run another bath? I could do your back this time."

"Sure, why not?"


End file.
